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where is my mind? [Jul. 29th, 2005|09:58 am]
[mood |anxiousanxious]
[music |pixies]

skin is like an impossible fruit
in a world where all you want is touch
summer was too thick for us
we clung to eachother and held hands on the roof
we faked imposters to the sunlight
but we were progenies to the earth
baptized in smoke and sidewalk corner street lights
head trips and pipe dreams
trances like dancing in the forest
blown off your feet and out of this world
i think i counted my breaths in
an entire night
my prozac is in your eyes
when you're speaking singing laughing
watching me.
fairyland in this expanse, utopia in our minds
you are my


you dream with a sideways grin
it's understood, how bright
this sky is
but dont keep your children inside
they should be
born and raised on the breeze
carried to enchantment
and shown the world
my father never hugged me tight enough
my mother never sidestepped denial
i'm okay and i'm unimpaired
this world is fucking velvet
someone once told me
"smiling makes my brain feel good."
and that is the most golden thing
that has ever been revealed to me.
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been a long time, been a long time, been a long lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely time [Mar. 29th, 2005|08:27 pm]
[mood |pensivepensive]
[music |jefferson airplane (can't you tell?)]

It's been WAY too long since I wrote and posted. I just wrote this, and I'm not sure about it yet. It's for Elizabeth.

Blue-white, born into freedom
slightly delusional, but your smile
was rusted to me
eyes intertwined, because we always
shared that universal tone
rain saturates us, like liquid rash
we buried the sun
where the secrets are grounded
life isn't like a box of chocolates
you just have to know the right methods
i still think we created eachother
and learned to feed the addiction
kept it running through our viens
"we cannot tolerate their obstruction"
let's just be alive
like riders on the storm
let's make more beaded bracelets
and drink tea more often
let's keep doing things
that we've made memories of
we're in this place where colors don't fade
and fire reunites
like the summer when
we painted perfection on my bedroom door
let's meet more people
start a revolution, start a revolution.
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piicctuuurrreess [Dec. 30th, 2004|12:00 am]
[mood |lovedloved]
[music |sublime]

New camera fun.

all scarlet begonias and a touch of the bluesCollapse )



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Hmm.... [Dec. 12th, 2004|03:26 pm]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

This isn't done... but it's becoming struggle to complete it.

You are my smiling reception,
and i loved that smile,
from the very beginning.
a portal into viridian,
willow eyes.

I'm flushed,
stained with your taste,
glowing with utopian hopes.
you, poetic and starry-eyed,
syrupy sweet,
cherry, geranium lips.
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closer to the lung... so i can shove her, over railing.... [Dec. 11th, 2004|11:44 am]
[mood |thirstythirsty]
[music |deftones- Mx]

We had The Muse meeting, Thursday. I was too reluctant to share anything, despite the occasional jabs and whispers from Ely.

the side of me, ha....
is sliced open, drenched
i crawled out of a swimming pool insanity
just yesterday
it never hurts until the day after
then you're consumed
i need a jolt
i want a wish
i made drains red
for sewer wastelands
and safe underground havens
(my apologies)
i never see the holidays... waiting
i love how it eats at awareness
music enriches the mind
makes the habit okay
nerve endings are calling me
into a needle loft
the moon
never promised me anything....

I feel someone else
wavering in this room
bite my lip
i like the taste of raw skin
this is your slaughter-house
i'm milked of any tranquility
serenity is boiled out
inner peace is plagued
by rigor mortis, burst with a pinprick
i leak into my matress
i want....
warm, safe, weighted,
smiling, womb sleep
at least until this blows over
and i can smile real again
laugh without delerium
and love my own eyes
i miss my father
he left me at the slaughter-house
i put "mascara" on replay
because its going to be a long night.
mop the floor
mop the floor
so we can erase filth?
you erase filth with toxicity
and I'm your dustpan
maybe soon I'll find the trash
for now, i hold my breath
along with your clutter, your eyes
i long for more toxic mornings
a disembowling, liver pain
i'm used to my living arrangement
i've decorated my cage
my freedom is nothing now
nothing but white walls
and friendly masks
i wish you knew me
laugh for the fact
that you'd never understand
you asked me thismorning
if i was "okay"
said i had THAT look in my eye
i knew what look you were talking about
i felt the thrash inside
as i watched you drive away

I think that soon, I'm going to write a magnificent poem... about kissing. Because, well, I want to kiss someone... ha, now!
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Hmm.... [Nov. 21st, 2004|12:27 am]
[mood |sleepysleepy]
[music |Deftones -- seven words]

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been dazed and confused, for so long it's not true... [Nov. 20th, 2004|02:14 pm]
[mood |distresseddistressed]
[music |zepplin- dazed and confused]


Was it you
that taped the burnt out sun
to my windowsill?
you knew I'd love it...
You bring me your facade
knowing none but my eyes
could see right through you
Wish I could breathe life
into your flawless serenity,
a color not mortally imaginable
See you
asleep in the arms
of a spun out love story
You could be
my paper flower skinned love
when we dance in a picture framed dusk
We'll protest sanity
and throw away the city
in artificial stride
Now starry nights
with you by my side
will never be the same
in the sky scraper mind.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Organ Identity.

There are no eyes in the street
whispers in aluminum siding
does that mean
more for me?
today i love freely
only in my heart
organ donors don't really care
my love,
we've all been fooled.
I keep mine, every single one
so that she'll never know
wait until i rot
so you can drag me
with my eyes open and unspoken
begging to keep my organ identity,
to the heart of your city
form me an expression
then rip me open
you can sell them on the highway
cheaper than all the other vendors.
Then i'll be branded
they'll know..
i never really figured myself out, anyways.
* * * *
Alive, pure cloud.. beauty is a new unfamiliarity, twisted knot, hangover brain. they dragged your heart around until they reached the gates of hell. no hesitation, good heart, second chance. longing for cold cement garage smokerings. new lips, know every crease, ridge, motion. your touch, purer than oxygen. eyes more genuine than gun metal, pressed hard against your temple. stained lips, now.. didn't your mother ever tell you? atrocity in a dog killer dream.. i never know exactly what i'm talking about. I like your smile.
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there's too much coke.. and too much smoke... [Oct. 12th, 2004|04:53 pm]
[mood |enviousenvious]
[music |That Smell -lynyrd skynyrd]

another memory
of a matchstick afternoon
we could have stolen the rising sun
but i think we did just fine
there's frustration in an unlit cigarette
a beautiful moth in my palm
leave silky trails
on a book of peace
between us in the grass
sun lights her eyes
like emerald moons
and the grass
the grass is like skyscrapers
high off the night
lust isnt fun today
i know he sees your eyes
and loves them, just like i do
but different all the same
grotesque stories rise in my mind
i laugh them off
and turn up this song
really now...
cant we just...
cut straight to the end of the book?
rage cant be fulfilled
and there's a slideshow
playing images
dancing in fragile irises
i can see his fingers
around your neck
but you're limp
because today we all love
sometimes i'm dirt
and they're all soft-petaled flowers
growing from a filth
that i'm all too familiar with
He's the moon...
and there's too many of those
that i will never touch
i will never kiss
so when darkness
spreads it's legs
for beauty and a glamorous hostility
a tear will fall for you
for you and me
and what we could be...
my pulse
first impressions
curl around your fingers
like cigarette smoke
i bite my lip
and keep it passing
hold my breath
as it crawls
into the creases of my brain
i wonder what you think of me
as i close my eyes
and tilt my head up to the sky
sweet realease
because it had been so long
i dont say anything
and my eyes are still closed
really i'm not a bitch
i just think
i might be crazy about you today.
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you could taste heaven perfectly... [Sep. 25th, 2004|08:03 pm]
[mood |sicksick]
[music |Tori Amos- A Sorta Fairytale]

Steaming Teapot Heart

this steaming teapot heart
overflowed thismorning
scalded the earth beneath me
an immobile, sedated ragdoll.
when you screamed for help
through sleeping, eyeless holes
i brought you flowers.
the roses with veins
running through scarlett stained petals
they were like your flushed cheeks
i kissed each and held her hand
like your thin wrists,
each wrapped in ribbon
when you danced with the setting sun
i am the ragdoll
you, my paper flower-skinned love
and the steaming teapot heart.
* * *

The Beautiful Junkyard Sea

a rain like this
saturates skin and sets on lashes
a rain to make us believe
we'll never love again
summer is gone,
memories scorched
and killed by a dying sun
a sort of relief
in winter's gloom
we feel like these days are old
stale with time
rainbows form a sickness
and spread a disease
the grass was always wet
and we could see our breath
forming clouds
mingling with cigarette smoke
look for me when i lag behind
new adventure always lays...
in black cloud covered skies
train tracks and fruit-filled trees
we'll make it back in time
we smile
because we have a secret
just yours, and mine.

* * *
I remember
silvery mornings
when the sun was too bright
too metallic
we were smothered
and screaming for release
but the night never came
the night never came
we never rested in the glare
of our guardian moon
never tasted the sugar residue
that the stars left on her shadowed lashes
so we traveled
for a sense of realism
shedding tears only because...
the music is nothing now
now the memories are dead
inhalation of clean oxygen
feels so new
but too empty
i love feeling the wind
when everything moves so quickly
i miss loving the things
that were never worth loving.
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please don't fuck around and die like this.. cause i love her. [Aug. 13th, 2004|12:21 am]
[mood |scaredscared]
[music |Deftones- Around the Fur]

Taste like metal
cold, sharp, flat.
too hungry for tomorrow,
you wait for the wrath.
this light is mine,
kiss the flame
shut down, stop thinking,
i can save you, doll
it's following you,
praying at your doorstep.
sick air.
no home, no home.
unwind this tragedy,
please close those eyes forever.
no new injuries
sleeping, sanity
... i'll come back for you
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